Table of Contents

100+ Mustache Jokes: Funny One-Liners, Dad Jokes, and More

Need a laugh? Whether you’re growing your first ‘stache, gearing up for Movember, or just want a joke groan-worthy enough to make your friends roll their eyes, we’ve got you covered. Here’s the ultimate collection of mustache jokes — one-liners, knock-knocks, dad jokes, and more, all neatly organized so you can find the perfect one fast.

Fair warning: these are wonderfully cheesy. But hey — I mustache you to laugh anyway.

Not sure how long yours should take? Try our mustache growth calculator.

Funny Mustache One-Liners

The quick, classic hits:

I mustache you a question, but I’ll shave it for later.
I’d tell you a joke about my mustache, but it’s a little hair-raising.
My mustache and I are growing apart.
I wanted to look serious, so I grew a mustache. Now I just look mus-terious.
A mustache is just a beard that gave up halfway.
My mustache brings all the compliments to the yard.
I’m not saying my mustache is famous, but it does have its own fan base.
They say two heads are better than one — but two mustaches? Now we’re talking.
I tried to think of a mustache joke, but I couldn’t comb up with anything.
My mustache is the upper lip’s way of showing off.

Hilarious Mustache Dad Jokes

Guaranteed eye-rolls:

Why did the man name his mustache? Because it was a part of him he couldn’t shave to forget.
What did one mustache say to the other? “Stick with me and we’ll go places.”
Why did the mustache go to school? To get a little more pol-ished.
What do you call a mustache that’s a great listener? All ears… and lip.
Why was the mustache always calm? It learned to just grow with the flow.
What did the dad say about his new mustache? “It’s growing on me.”
Why don’t mustaches ever lose at hide and seek? They always stick around.
What’s a mustache’s life motto? “Grow big or grow home.”

Mustache Knock-Knock Jokes

For the classic format fans:

Knock knock. Who’s there? Mustache. Mustache who? I mustache you a question, but I’ll shave it for later!
Knock knock. Who’s there? Whisker. Whisker who? Whisker away, the mustache is here to stay!
Knock knock. Who’s there? Comb. Comb who? Comb on, let me in — my ‘stache needs grooming!
Knock knock. Who’s there? Wax. Wax who? Wax-ing poetic about my handlebar again!

Not sure how long yours should take? Try our mustache growth calculator.

Short Mustache Jokes

Tiny and punchy:

My mustache? It’s a growing concern.
Mustaches: faces with a sense of humor.
I’m a man of few words and many whiskers.
My ‘stache has trust issues — it won’t let anything slip.
Mustache: the original face filter.
A clean shave? In this economy?
My upper lip works out — it’s ripped with hair.

Mustache Jokes for Kids (Clean & Silly)

Family-friendly giggles:

Why did the mustache get an award? It was above the rest!
What does a mustache eat for breakfast? Hair-y berries!
Why was the mustache so happy? It was living life on the upper lip!
What do you call a funny mustache? A laugh-stache!
Where do mustaches go on holiday? To the lip of the sea!
What’s a mustache’s favorite game? Hide and sleek!
Why did the mustache cross the road? To get to the other slide of the face!

Mustache Jokes for Adults (Cheeky but Tasteful)

A little wink-wink for the grown-ups — kept classy:

My mustache has a great personality — it’s a real charmer above the lip.
Dating with a mustache is easy: it really tickles people’s fancy.
They say a mustache adds ten years and ten compliments. I’ll take the compliments.
My mustache and I have an understanding: it does the talking, I take the credit.
A man with a mustache never needs an icebreaker — the ‘stache speaks for itself.
My partner said the mustache or them. I’m going to miss them.

Not sure how long yours should take? Try our mustache growth calculator.

“I Mustache You a Question” Jokes

The most famous mustache joke of all, in its many forms:

I mustache you a question… but I’ll shave it for later.
I mustache you a question, and it’s a hairy one.
I mustache you a question — do you wax poetic too?
I mustache you to be quiet, I’m trying to comb my thoughts.
I mustache you a question, but I don’t want to brush you off.

Mustache Comebacks (For When Someone Teases Your ‘Stache)

Ready replies for the doubters:

“Jealousy isn’t a good look — but a mustache always is.”
“I’d explain it to you, but I left my crayons at home.”
“You’re just upset your upper lip can’t commit like mine.”
“It took years of dedication. What have you grown lately?”
“Laugh all you want — chicks dig the ‘stache.”

Frequently Asked Questions

What is the most famous mustache joke?

Without a doubt: “I mustache you a question, but I’ll shave it for later.” It’s the classic pun-joke that started it all and comes in endless variations.

What are some good clean mustache jokes for kids?

Try “What does a mustache eat for breakfast? Hair-y berries!” or “Why was the mustache so happy? It was living life on the upper lip!” — silly and totally family-friendly.

What are short mustache one-liners?

Quick hits like “My mustache is a growing concern,” “Mustaches: faces with a sense of humor,” and “I’m a man of few words and many whiskers.”

What are mustache jokes good for?

Movember campaigns, social media captions, greeting cards, party invites, breaking the ice, and making friends groan in the best way.

Not sure how long yours should take? Try our mustache growth calculator.

There you have it — over 100 mustache jokes for every audience and occasion, from clean kid-friendly silliness to dad-joke groaners, knock-knocks, and cheeky one-liners. Bookmark this page for your next Movember post or whenever you need to lighten the mood. And remember: a good mustache joke, like a good mustache, is all about the delivery.

Want more ‘stache fun? Check out our mustache puns collection, and when you’re ready to grow the real thing, see how to grow a mustache.